Firstly — thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for embodying someone I would like to become one day — or at least try to. You are someone who is well loved by many since you have the capacity to inspire with your values, charm and perseverance. I can’t name a single person who had the dissatisfaction of meeting you. How do you make it look like it’s a walk in the park?
You were there for me when I was at my lowest point because of a boy. I remember you crying in sync with me during one of our FaceTime calls when I was a senior in college. Tears had started streaming down my face when you had asked me to open up to you and had asked me if I was okay. I wasn’t okay. A few seconds later, you were shedding tears too. I had always envisioned you of being a tenacious force, but that day made me realize that it’s okay to raise a white flag when life becomes “too much” to handle.
Mommy, I have to ask — Why do boys seem so cruel? Is it me or is it them? Was dating always this difficult when you were my age? It gets harder to deal with these situations as each year passes by. I hope that you can listen to me disemboguing my heart…
You have told me that I am strong person. I usually try to convince myself that I am too. Sometimes, it’s hard to become strong when vulnerability kicks in. I know that I deserve more than what some people are willing to give to me, but why do I still have the fire to keep trying? Why do I keep lingering onto vanished hope? Why does it continue to hurt every time someone lets me down? Why do I tend to question my worth during the times that someone walks away?
I don’t understand. I don’t understand how boys may seem to be so cruel. I don’t think that they were always this difficult. Maybe I blindly chose a rotten egg from the dozen? Who knows? Possibly.
You had reminded me recently to become strong. You did not say those exact words, but it feels like you had. Despite the uncertainties that continuously knock me down, I still convince myself to remain hopeful. Hopeful for the right reasons. Hopeful for an unknown tomorrow.
You told me not to be in such a rush. That one day, I will find him — or maybe the other way around. The one that will give me more love than I could give. Is that even possible? Maybe. Hopefully.
I pray to find a man that would love me as how daddy loves you. A man who would love me when I’m elated with life and when I’m fighting against the world. A man who acknowledges my flaws, but would work around them because he appreciates me as a whole. A man that will become my partner in life, especially during unfavorable matters.
You asked me again recently if I am okay. Thank you for asking.
I’ll be okay.